Epic Proportions: The Nissan Patrol 

“How am I going to get out of this one?” I muttered under my breath as my eyes darted from side to side. I had managed to get myself into one hell of a pickle and the worst part was that it was my own idea that got me there. In the midst of a global fuel crisis I thought it would be an excellent idea to borrow the largest car available.

Congratulations, the circumstances had conspired against me to put me in an absolutely awkward position. Because try as I might, I had just wedged myself in between two cars in the skinniest parking space in the lot–the only one available–inside the 2026 Nissan Patrol.

How wide is the Nissan Patrol? Too wide. Try two meters wide (2,115mm). While I did manage to shoot it in between the lines with sheer accuracy thanks to its Intelligent Around View Monitor (IAVM), parking between two vehicles makes it an exercise in contortionism to get out of even on normal days.

At that point I thought about the possible exit points I had other than the doors: There’s the Power Tailgate at the back which is automatically operated? I could probably just crawl back there since the Patrol has a ton of room. The vehicle actually moves the seat and the steering column back to make more room whenever you turn it on or off for even easier ingress and egress, which was a really thoughtful addition by Nissan.

And making it to the back, the seats weren’t gonna be in the way either since both the second and third row seats recline 60:40. The cabin of the Patrol has to be one of the most spacious interiors I’ve ever seen. I’m 5 ’10 ” and I bet you I could probably lie down comfortably on the back seat horizontally and on the floor.

Alas, in an effort to keep the car from jutting out of its spot thanks to its overall length of 5,350mm, I had also managed to stick the rear too close to the wall as well, making the rear hatch a no-go.

With the back no longer an option, I thought about Mission Impossible-ing my way out through the panoramic sunroof? It’s pretty much large enough for a full-grown adult to pop out of. It actually sweeps back to the second row, really adding a touch of much-needed illumination in the gigantic IMAX movie theater that is the Patrol’s cabin.

But as large as it is, the premium, genuine quilted leather interior actually does an incredible job of making the space warm and cozy. The car that I was in had tan-colored leather but the Nissan Patrol’s interior also comes in beige and, my personal favorite, burgundy.

However, for fear of marring the beautiful upholstery of my Patrol, I ultimately decided to nix the sunroof escape and just wait out my neighbors. Afterall, the interior of the vehicle is chock-full of little pleasant surprises. Could be worse, right?

I reclined my 10-way adjustable, zero-gravity seat, grabbed a bottle of iced tea I managed to stash away in the cool box installed on the center console, and listened to some Bill Withers on the car’s 12-speaker Klipsch premium audio sound system.

For a moment, staring blankly at the glow of the fluorescent lights affixed on the roof of the parking garage, I imagined what it was like to be a chauffeur-slash-bodyguard in one of these waiting on their amo to arrive–maybe he’s some hotshot exec or more likely a senator with his Vivamax mistress.

Either way, it’s no secret that the Patrol is one of if not the vehicle of choice for the country’s venerable VIPs, typically flanked by an armada of Grandias and police escorts–and for a very good reason. Because if I could sum up what it’s like driving around in the Patrol, is that it’s commanding both physically and figuratively. 

It’s absolutely hard to miss one coming straight at you but it’s not in a way that you’d expect. It doesn’t have the kind of flash the way a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, maybe even to a lesser extent a BMW has. The Patrol is elegant, it’s understated, it’s dignified. Like a mafia boss quietly walking into his favorite corner deli.

Its two-tone exterior matched with 20-inch alloy wheels doesn’t scream wealth, it exudes it. And when you do manage to piss one off and it flicks its high beams at you, the Patrol has signature double C-Shape LED headlights that can absolutely pierce through your soul.

On the other hand, when you’re driving one, you instantly get the sense of having the higher ground against those around you. Its adaptive air suspension makes the myriad of potholes in Manila feel practically non-existent, its electric power-assist rack-and-pinion steering makes maneuvering the vehicle through slower traffic feel remarkably easy given its size, and its 3.5-liter twin turbo V6–arguably the car’s crown jewel–has the speed, torque, and the symphonic low-end growl to match. Put the thing on race mode, press on the gas, and it’s like Pavarotti singing “Nessun Dorma” at Dodger Stadium.

Driven with vigor and with little to no regard to people around, like most hired drivers almost always do, the Patrol can and will be a menace on the road. It made so much sense to me at that point why as much as I love the car, I realized that I’ve probably flipped off more Nissan Patrols in my life than I could care to count. Because driving the car just affords you with so much power that can at times get very intoxicating.

Following this brief epiphany, it wasn’t too long before the car next to me peeled off and I was finally free to get down from the vehicle. As I opened the door, the Patrol’s puddle lamps illuminated the floor and reminded me of just how and why this stately automobile earned its place in the world. Because along with the image of a side profile of the Patrol reads a very strong statement: Since 1951.

Yes, the Nissan Patrol’s heritage spans over three quarters of a century, this one being its seventh generation. From being the first vehicle to ever scale Mt. Fuji, to being the first diesel-powered winner of the Dakar rally in ‘87, to this current iteration winning the 2026 iF Design Award.

Its history is just as long and as decorated as its closest (albeit slightly more expensive) competitor, which I will henceforth refer to as “Elsie,” like the cow you find on the bottle of children’s glue, because people nowadays are either too cool or too lazy to call it by its full name. I do believe with all honesty though that with the overall package, at the end of the day you get a lot more for your money with the Patrol.

But it goes without saying that it’s still worth a maleta and a half worth of cash, because the Nissan Patrol starts at Php 5,335,000 with Nissan’s five-year warranty. 

As I walked away from the parking garage I couldn’t help to take one last look at the Nissan Patrol. Suffice it to say, given its enormous footprint, finding it in a sea of cars is like finding an elephant in the middle of a baseball field. But that’s exactly the point of it. 

From its physical dimensions, its features, and even its price. It’s for people that are simply larger than life. Am I one of them? Unfortunately, no. And as I smirked at that final realization, a green Fortuner swiftly swooped into the narrow space I had just crawled out of. I wonder if that Devil Wears Prada sequel is any good?

2026 Nissan Patrol | Key Information

Motor	3.5-liter gasoline twin-turbo V6 (VR35DDTT)
Output	431 horsepower, 700Nm of torque
Transmission	9-speed automatic
Drivetrain	4WD with 2-speed transfer case
Seating Capacity	8 (including driver)
Price	PHP 5,335,000 (as of June 2026)
Pros	Best features in its class and award-winning styling
Cons	Fuel economy and impractical size

^{Photos by Wowie Go}